Performance Anxiety

Sitting around the break table, it seems to natural and easy to tell everyone what you would do to move the company forward or tackle a particular obstacle.  The words just seem to roll off your tongue while you lay out your plans and share your thoughts.  But sitting around the board table with the CEO, VPs and other executives, is another thing.  Your stomach churns, your words stick to the roof of your mouth, you hesitate, measuring each syllable.  You are as natural as a two-toe sloth playing a 12 string guitar.

Around the break table, you are with friends who aren't judging the merits of your proposal, they're engaging you in friendly banter.  They accept you as one of them and aren't all that concerned about the potential outcomes of your ideas, what you say doesn't matter all that much to them, they believe you have good intenttions.  But around the board table are individuals who hold your career in their hands, who are very concerned with the outcomes of any ideas that might be implemented.  They are not interested in your intentions, they expect to hear a solid construct leading to good outcomes.  What you say matters a great deal to them, your intentions not so much.

Performance anxietty comes from having the spotlight put on you as others judge the merits of what you do or say.  Talking to friends is easy, speaking in public can be terrifying.  Acting like a clown in the classroom comes naturally but performing as a clown on stage is another matter.  Working out a problem on your computer at your desk is fairly comfortable but how do you feel when your boss walks in and watches over your shoulder?  Yeah, that feeling is performance anxiety, it raises up it's ugly head anytime we believe we are being judged for outcomes of which we are uncertain.

Unfortunately, too many Christians have that feeling when it comes to serving God.  They don't think they measure up, they doubt God's acceptance, they are unsure of the outcome of their life and service to the Lord.  A preacher is concerned he didn't grow the church enough, a missionary is worried he didn't reach enough citizens, a member doubts he has made a big enough difference - all doubting God's acceptance of the outcomes of their service.

The thing is, however, you and I are not resposible for the outcomes of our service, God is.  We are responsible for our obedience to God's will not the enforcementt of it's outcomes.  God has not called us as judges or lawyers or policemen, he has called us to be wittnesses.  Witnesses give input not determine outcomes.  Paul wrote, "You are saved by grace through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" (Eph 2:8).  Faith is our input, salvation is God's outcome.

This input/outcome principle is the reason "nothing in all creation can seperate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus" (Rom 8:39).  It is God who calls, justifies and glorifies (Rom 8:3), not us.  Jus' Sayn.