Great Expectations

We tend to have expectations of others based on what we expect of ourselves.  I have often heard leaders say, with some pride, "I never expect anyone to do something I won't do myself."  In other words, I expect others to do what I do myself.

The trouble with this kind of self-based expectation of others is that others are not you and they may not be willing or able to live up to your expectations.  In fact, I can assure you that at some point, if you expect others to live up to your personal standard, you will experience failed expectations - not necessarily because the other is defying you but because your great expectation are a bit much for them to live up to consistently, if at all.

Churches are often dissappointed with a new minister, who is sincerely doing his best but doesn't shine like the last minister or have the same appoach as he did.  Relationships often crash and burn because of failed expectations.  You exect your husband to be as successful as your father was or your new wife to cook like mother did.  "I thought he would..."  "I can't believe she doesn't..."  Sound familiar?

While we may find it difficult or even irritating at times, we need to  learn to reset our expectations to the skills and abilities of others instead of ourselves.  The apostle Paul puts it this way, "Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters" (Rom 14:1) and "We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves" (Rom 15:1).

Hmmm.  Not what you wanted to hear is it?  But it is what you needed to hear.  We need to set expectations of others; children, spouses, employees, etc.; according to their skills and abilities not ours.  In that light, increased satisfaction with another's performance becomes more likely when we lower our expectation.

That doesn't mean we can't hope for, pray for and even challenge one to improve, but it does mean that we cannot hold another to our personal standard without risking the probability of failed expectations - unless, of course, the other is just like you or even a higher achiever.  Good luck with that.  

By the way, if they are a higher achiever, and they have that same attitude, you will be the source of their failed expectations.  And, if they are an employee, they'll be looking to get your job.  Just a thought.  The main point to get out of this blog today is that the strong ought to bear with the weak not be over-bearing, insisting they rise to a level beyond their ability.  Such great expectations only lead to great dissatisfaction.  Jus' Sayn.