Listening

She is 87 years old with breast cancer that has metastasized to her liver.  She is dying and probably has between 3 to 6 months left on this planet.  She lives alone but is not lonely and not left alone.  She told me of all the people who have been coming by and while I was there, her phone rang several times - she was getting a lot of attention - in fact, too much.

There were family members, church members and now hospice team members coming and going.  The last in a long list of visitors was me - her assigned chaplain.  She was explaining how tired she was, setting the stage for asking me not to visit.

She seemed surprised when I agreed with her and said she must be simply worn out with all the attention.  I affirmed her feelings and suggested that she needed more rest and less intrusion into her little apartment.  I began asking her about this challenge and how she felt about all the attention.

I sat back and listened to her pour out her story, nodding my head as I sat forward in my chair careful to make eye contact as I heard her talk of her experience with her doctor, the treatments, her closing world and her opening faith.

As she wound down, I suggested that she perhaps didn't need an assigned chaplain stopping by all the time that she had more than enough spiritual and familial support - that perhaps I could just call and stop by once a month to check in with her and see how things were going.

She looked me in the eyes and said, "You can come by anytime you want."  Why was that?  What had happened that caused this 180?  I listened more than talked.  Rather than becoming weary from my pressing a visit agenda on her, she became energized as I listened to her story, affirming what she was feeling and encouraging her to tell her story.

I don't plan to come very often because I do think she has plenty of support but when I sparingly come to visit, I plan to listen to her talk about her faith, her family, her future without trying to guide her but rather give her an opportunity to release what is weighing on her spirit.

When I did say something about her season in life, reflecting on her expressed faith, I didn't tell her what she should do, instead I said, "It sounds like to me that you are a prayer warrior."  She replied, "I am a prayer warrior!"  At that moment, we tapped into her purpose for the life she had remaining.

Without quoting a Scripture or even pointing to one, we both understood that her strength would come from embracing the biblical imperative, "Whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him" (Col 3:17).

Listening to her allowed me to understand her story and her to express her desire.  In the process, her energy level increased as she embraced her reason in this last season of life.  Jus' Shar'n.